holly + jolly

Merry Christmas, everyone!

I am in Dallas for Christmas on a sneaky trip. Got a ticket the day before Christmas Eve and left to surprise my mother and sister (my dad already knew about it), and was pretty successful. I managed to scare the crap out of my mother who had just exited the shower.

One of my favorite moments of the flight over was a family with two pretty young kids. The little boy fell asleep quite quickly, leaving his nintendo DS dangling from his fingers. His father gently pulled it out of his hands and began playing the game quietly, while his son slept in his lap, unaware that his father was beating the level for him. I like to think that the little boy woke up later and thinks that he beat that unusually difficult level, while his father grins sneakily next to him.

Have a good holiday, and think warm thoughts.

grass growing in a sign.

That's actually grass growing within the confines of a sign post.

Cheers!

(The show's still going on at Gateway-- go see it!)

the drive to California.

backgrounds

(that's step one)

I spent my entire evening doing anything but the studio work I was supposed to have accomplished. My film professor marched into the middle of our class today, announced that he had just vomited in the bathroom, and dismissed class. I took that as a sign to stop working completely.

My roommate and I spent a few hours on the front porch of our yellow house, smoking cigars and drinking tea and talking about how our parents met. And about how easy it is for kids to be convinced of the most ridiculous things. I actually believed that my ears would fall off if I didn't wear a hat when it was cold until an embarrassingly old age, thanks to my mother. I believed that swallowing watermelon seeds would allow a watermelon plant to sprout in my stomach, thanks to my (still defiantly mustached) father. I was also tricked into solving trigonometry problems over the dinner table. That kind of childhood.

The final details for Saturday-- the show is called Impressed: New Visions in Printmaking and it will be going down from 5 - 8 (but I won't be there until 7) at Gateway Arts. There's a facebook event as well.

OH AN EXCITING NEWS! My art portfolio now has a real home at:

www.fawnax.com

Enjoy!

Whale Edition and Gallery Opening

Happy Day Before Thanksgiving.

Some exciting news-- my work is being shown at Gateway Arts next Saturday evening-- specific times to follow. Gateway Arts is located in Hyattsville, and to be honest I really don't know very much about it. It's a University of Maryland Printmaking Show so it is strictly Screenprint, Woodcut, and Etching. There are some very cool pieces in the show, and you'll get to see what I've been busting my bum for.

The edition began as a four color separation piece, but that's almost barely a ghost now. I've been experimenting more with my inks and technique this time. I've introduced gold ink into my palette, and have started playing with letting the ink dry in my screen a bit before pushing it out. So the four color separation of the mysterious pole has transformed into a couple whales doing backflips in a strange ocean. I say that it's an edition even though they're all one-of-a-kinds because I had to use only one screen of 4 images to create these three prints. My emulsion went bad so instead of bothering with new images, I decided to use one screen and lots of tape to create new ideas in each one. It's an interesting series, if nothing else. If you're looking for the same rough and gritty that you saw in the last series, you'll see it again here in the form of burnt whales. Also, the work from the last series is going up too, I think.

It took nearly eleven hours in the studio yesterday and five hours in the studio the night before just to touch these three prints up. There will also be tiny test prints available for extremely reasonable prices between 5 and 10 dollars. The entire day in studio sped by so fast, and I'm even a little sore today just from pulling and scrubbing, pulling and scrubbing.. It was a good day though. We switched between pumpy music (like the ever-amazing Sleigh Bells) and intense films (Batman) and just rocked out until we couldn't move anymore. That's the thing about printmaking-- it's always a collective. It's a social art. We help each other out, we give opinions, we borrow chemicals and wash out each other's squeegees. So even after 11 hours of it, I went home on a high.

I've included a close up of one of my prints.. if you want to see the full thing you're just going to have stop by...

So for today, I can just sketch outside and watch my cat chase leaves blowing in the wind. And see my sister who I haven't seen in so long.

Happy Thanksgiving tomorrow-- be thankful for what you have, and surround yourself with good food and good people.

bite me.

It's hard to believe, but this adorable dog trying to drag along that absurdly long stick had a go at me today. He's bigger than he looks-- if he stood up, he could easily rest his front paws on my shoulders. He's a very playful dog that simply doesn't get that his claws go through skin and his jaws are pretty strong too.

Anyhow he got a bit rough playing today and jumped at me, swiping me with one of his paws-- giving me a nice curvy scratch on my chest, right below the clavicle. It's very, very shallow. And then, the daring dog tried to bite me (!) but all he got was a mouthful of leather jacket. He growled and I yelled back. We looked ridiculous in the street, I'm sure. It looked like this beautiful dog was attempting to maul me and all I was doing was stuffing my arm in his mouth and yelling "STOP IT JOE, THIS ISN'T FUNNY. STOP!" He settled down a little bit, so I dragged him home, and stuffed him in his crate.

Side note: who names their dog Joe anyways?

A Public Plea/Threat

Dear Father,

We may have had our differences in the past, and maybe we still do. I am by no means the best daughter in the world. But you know how it is: I'm forgetful. But at least I come up with really inexpensive (some might even say free) ideas for birthday gifts for myself.

Do you remember that one time I wanted to go to a rock concert on a school night in high school? And you said no. So I emailed all your friends/co-workers/possibly some of your bosses and told them to join me in convincing you to let me go? And then your inbox got flooded...And it worked?

Yes. I am willing to do it again. And if you thought that was bad-- just wait and see what kind of ideas I have for this year. And you know what I want.

Please shave your mustache for my 21st birthday.

You have until the 22nd to give me your word in writing. If not, then Phase 1 will begin (Phase 3 may involve shaving your mustache while you're asleep).

All I want for my birthday is to see your upper lip and steal your dignity for a short time.

Very sincerely,
Your Dearest and Most Favorite Daughter Fawna

mysterious pole

Look at that mysterious pole in the middle of a parking lot! I've been meaning to take a photograph of it-- I pass it all the time on my bike.

And a great song for you (It's "What a Drag" by Bear Hands), by a band that's friends with MGMT. Here it is: http://www.mediafire.com/?deuvufdzojo

A Quick Moment From Today, and a Note About Love

A man walks into the store I work at, picks up a bag of food and brings it to the counter.

"What are you listening to?" he asks.

"Florence and the Machine."

"How old are you?"

I pause.

"Twenty." he pauses because he's waiting to hear another number follow it.

"That's great."

He pays and leaves.

What the hell was that all about? What an odd, and very quick conversation. It would make more sense if I were listening to an older band, and not one that has just recently come into fame and power. I should have asked how old he thought I was.. I'm always curious to know-- I'm young but I feel so goddamn old.

...

People don't think that I believe in love-- and I certainly peddle that image. I guess I just am not really that kind of girl. I don't like romantic comedies, I don't really do public acts of affection, I don't fall into the traps that girls do. I can see the romance in things but I can also see the stupidity in romance.

But what it really comes down to is that I don't believe in long-term love. I fall in love frequently, fast, and hard. I also fall out of love, frequently, fast, and hard. I fall in love with a boy on a bike as he's riding by, and out of love the second he hits the horizon line. Does this make sense to you? I don't know how to explain it properly, but maybe you already understand. I'm sure that I could stay put--it's just so hard. I can't promise anything, but I also can't write anything off. Maybe my kind of love isn't real love, but it's the only kind of love I can honestly believe in.

crash of a motorcycle

I was driving back from my studio two nights ago-- pitch black, empty campus. Silent.

There was a car parked in the road on the wrong side of the road, with its headlights on full blast.

And in the bright white light were two bloody boys entangled together.

One was lying on the ground, his body curved around the other boy's. His eyes were closed, and there was blood coming from his head. Did you know that blood on the streets just looks like water? And there was so much blood.

The other boy was more terrifying. He was sitting up, with his arms wrapped around his legs and staring blankly at the darkness around him.

I drove by the bloody boys carefully, and stopped politely on the shoulder while the ambulances roared past.

Gallery Opening at Gallery 31

Enjoy the antlers!

Some exciting news for everyone--- the work I completed about two weeks ago at the Corcoran Catch n' Release Symposium is going up in the Gallery 31 part of the Corcoran Gallery of Art and Design in DC (It's the NY ave entrance). It's some pretty cool stuff, though I have to admit, most of the pieces I didn't have much of a screenprinting hand in; I was up in the letterpress studio making a mess most of the time. Anyhow, it'll still be a nice show, it'll be on Thursday from 5:30-7:30. Come on out!!

And now I will return to baking my pumpkin bread and tea. And my paper due tomorrow.

DADDY! THE DOGGIE'S DEAD!!!!

I know. Cool, right? Makes me want to get back into some spray paint.

catch and release.

I was recently honored to have been invited to the Catch and Release Print Symposium down at Corcoran for some serious printmaking with some serious printmakers. Printmaking professors from four of the top DC and Maryland printmaking universities brought 5 of their best students each to rock out in collaboration to create dozens of truly beautiful pieces of free for all art. Eight hours of straight printmaking each day.

I learned how to use a letterpress and I am in love! I think I will build one-- although I really do need to finish building my screenprinting one. Here's an example of one of the first letter prints I did; note my special ink splattering on the letters!


I have to say though-- after working so long with no text in my work it was pretty difficult to think of anything to print on the work up in the letterpress studio. The student working with me asked: Well what do you want to say! And I could think of absolutely nothing. Sometimes I swear I can only communicate in pictures. So I ended up printing a few choice words instead.. good. monster.

Anyhow-- we created some really brilliant work which is going into the fabulous Corcoran Gallery tomorrow with a reception next week-- details to follow.. but it'll be next week I think.

In other art news-- I was recently featured in a small show at the artDC gallery in Hyattsville and walked out selling five pieces-- and met some fantastic fellow artists and got some great feedback from the clever crowd that showed up!

And studio news... I'm also in the middle of a new edition that will be done this week. I've laid out all the foundation so all I've gotta do is work out the linework for the frontal section and slam that in which will be done in the next couple days. It began as a prawn like figure with shadows coming out.. clearly it's turned into something a bit more design based.


And real life news... I am working my tail off and I am taking a laughably low credit course load. My roommates and I played a game last night where we threw stuff at each other all over the house and if you didn't catch it, you were a nerd. The logic in this game was that nerds can't catch. Infalliable logic.

never a dull moment.

I sent my sister off to school last weekend. I didn't cry but I miss her already.

I need to get more sleep. There's so much to do! There's always someone here. An old friend or a friend of an old friend that is now my friend. I love having people over.

And in the few moments I have to myself-- I need to focus, I need to create...I'm sitting here trying to create imagery after a seven hours of grilling and drinking. It's impossible. I just sit here and worry about my little sister. Or about next weekend-- about the exhibition.

But this is the good life. All I've been doing is making art, drinking beer, eating good food, and hanging out with some incredible people. The weather is beautiful. The last week has been tomato and fresh mozzarella on the porch-- barefoot with friends. Music and joking about how our house is slightly crooked. Hanging lanterns from the front porch and painting tables with Dali's elephants in the back porch. Beer and cigars with a makeshift ashtray and gentlemen that help me open my beers.

My classes are fascinating. My engineering roommates laugh at them but they wish they could study films and dreams. I work hard.

I'm surrounded by people constantly.

Someone from years ago has come back into my life.

Peru was wild.

Back to work.

back

on the road again!

independence.

Cold beer, burgers, and fireworks at the capital-- the best place in the world for America's birthday. Two years ago I was singing the American national anthem on a bus in New Zealand. Last year I was cheering in an underground bar in Cesky Krumlov, Czech Republic. It's kind of nice to actually be in the country for the holiday. I wonder where I'll be next time.

You try taking pictures at night while driving.

I am totally exhausted. My hand is on my stomach and it is rising and falling like someone asleep.

I had a dream that one of my ex-lovers was actually a robot that crumbled in my hands.

Oh, and the whole point of this post: (my new portfolio)
http://fawna.carbonmade.com/

portrait.

Yesterday, as I was walking back from work, a man stopped me. I didn't know him-- for some reason, homeless men are really drawn to me.

"Can you see that?" he pointed at the sky.

The sun was breaking over the clouds.

"Do you know what you're going to do now?" he asked.

I think he was insane.

"I'm sorry," he said, when I didn't say anything. "I scared you."

Monster

Last sculpture by me ever.

it's where the heart is.

friday.

I wake up very early in the morning because I like to take my time. I grind my coffee. I smell it. I grind it again. I let the french press take its time, because after all, I need the bagel to toast and the eggs to scramble. The fire alarm goes off for no reason-- I fan it just in case and it stops.

I go to the doctor. I pay $3 to park, and am frustrated. I walk dogs in the sun and even though the dogs are panting and their tongues are flapping as they bounce along, they still relentlessly push forward. The pit bull almost scratches up my arm again, and almost bites the hand off a stranger. But then he sits perfectly still for his treat and all is forgiven.

I talk to a boy that was once in love with me and then I talk to a boy that I was once in love with. I am glad that neither of those romances worked out. In a way I'm still a little in love with the boy I was once in love with because I could never have him, and I'm a little in love with the boy that was once in love with me; somehow a boy loving you makes him more lovable.

I take the metro to work. I listen to my ipod, read my book, and look as unfriendly as possible. There's a few annoying customers but most of them are pretty excellent. I apologize about our lack of foot long bully sticks, which are extremely popular-- by the way they're dried cow penises that dogs LOVE to chew on. A man knocks over the dog's water bowl and I almost giggle but swallow it and try to get the man to stop apologizing.

I take the metro back. I don't listen to my ipod and try to read my book in the most attractive fashion possible but the cute boy doesn't try anything. I realize life is not a dentyne ice commercial. I put my headphones back on and relish some abstract music. I see a picture of a bird covered in mud on a newspaper and then realize it's actually oil and would cry but I haven't in years and don't want to start now.

I laugh very hard at a good joke someone says on the radio, which I now forget, but it was very funny. I am amazed that my makeup has stayed intact throughout the entire day. I listen to my cat chirp happily. I listen to my sister squeal about her new college email address and join in the joyful celebration of something so minor. I feel very lucky.

printmaking orgies

For our final assignment, we are doing what my eloquent professor calls, a printmaking orgy.

A printmaking orgy is a collaborative piece in the beginning, and then the individuals go into their own pieces and fix all the shit they don't like. I hate collaborative pieces. I think everyone I end up working with is either more or less talented than I am, which means that I'm either frustrated with how inept they are or how inept I am. Anyhow, the orgy works out to be a stack of numbered paper which everyone just madly prints on (although it's supposed to be somewhat calculated.. you know using basic color theory and making good aesthetic choices), and then at the end the professor sorts out the numbers until everyone gets their paper back. The numbers is so we aren't biased based on whose paper we're printing on since any of the sheets could potentially be ours. I'm not sure if it was rigged in the end or not, but shortly after mentioning to my professor that number 9's papers had two of my favorites (see first image, that's one of them), my professor announced to me that my pile happened to be number 9. I still got some real crap sheets mixed in though.

So that brings me to today, where I worked on blasting the crap turd ones with ink. I also finished one (out of six) today (that's picture number 2)! The theme is mutation and I'm not sure how I'm going to argue that this one has anything to do with mutation but it's abstract. So yeah, it could be anything, man.

It's Kentucky Derby Day! Usually I wouldn't care, but I bet $5 on Lookin' at Lucky.

sugar cravings

The mane is gone. The haircut has happened.. proof will follow at some later date. To be honest, I kind of miss the mane. It was so impressive--especially when curly and untamed. I like to show up at hair salons and telling the stylists to do whatever they want.. my own way of gambling I guess. And for some reason, they all think they need to cut the hair super short, to prove that they're not scared to be bold.

I find it very hard to call myself an artist.. and in fact I never do. I'm an "art student" not an "artist"! And I generally think of myself as a traveler first and an art student second. Anyways, as an art student, I tend to go through phases, with mediums; some of them stick, and some of the go away. Like painting. I rarely paint anymore. Or sculpture. I have picked up spray painting very recently... I think it's a result of my new screenprinting frenzy-- I'm working on a couple spray painted vinyl records. I'm spray painting them and creating stencils to spray paint images on.. I may even screen print them later on. All I've done on the two shown above is give them a base coat, but I thought I'd give you a before so you can appreciate the after. I'm not sure why I pick things up and drop them so quickly.

The second image is of something I drew idly while watching TV the other day. I'm thinking of turning that into a print as well. I don't know what it is, don't ask me.

hair + trouble

haircut. it's coming.



trouble. it's coming.

midnight crazy

What a messy desk!




But look at these fun-sized prints!


Also, I got serrano chili pepper in my eye........WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEW don't try it. I took a salsa making break between mylars. and then rubbed my eye? Can I not be creative AND common sense at the same time? Is that too much to ask?

I would put up a picture of the mylars I'm working on but I won't because I'm already sick of staring at them.

Also, you know how I have that really weird fear of a lot of holes? This is very hard to explain. I know that I'm not crazy because I know two other people that have it.. and it's not a fear it's more like a strong adversion and a slight edgy splash of nausea. But specifically.. they have to be natural, so like I'll be totally fine with a chinese checkers board or something. Alright, so this is impossible to explain over text. Google search lotus pods.. and those really really disgusting dried things that they sometimes stick in bouquets will show up and those things just make me want to curl up into a tiny ball and probably vomit. THE POINT BEING that this stupid octopus print I'm doing involves those suction cups on their tentacles and I didn't realize how awful they are until I googled octopus tentacles... I made a weird sound and hit the back button immediately, so no worries.

Sorry sorry back to work work work work work work

OH AND CONTRARY TO THAT FIRST PHOTOGRAPH i am not drinking southern comfort while working, don't be ridiculous

coming together and falling apart

Self-Portrait with Ring

Sigh. I'm in my sustainable roof class, which is normally pretty fascinating but this lecturer is killing me slowly with his dull voice.. I should get more sleep. I crashed in my last class too, and jerked awake suddenly, slamming my hand on the desk and scaring the shit out of the rest of the class. I've been having trouble sleeping lately. It's strange, because usually I am a pro-sleeper. Some of it is because my phone is dead and I am paranoid about oversleeping so I wake up every few hours, and some of it is just that I can't get to sleep no matter how exhausted I am. Which is maddening. Oh and I think I twisted my ankle? Or at least did something to my left foot in general.. it hurts bad enough for me to limp openly and I must have some kind of silly grimace on my face dealing with the pain. No smiles from strangers for me today.

It may sound like I'm in a dreary mood, and although it IS dreary outside, I'm in a fairly great mood! I might print a nice little edition of 25 test prints today.. time to use up that bluey grey paint that I mixed weeks ago and haven't been able to get rid off since my tree print. My university holds something called Art Attack every spring, where they bring in some big name bands and have a mini festival.. I think I'm going to get a table and sell some prints. It's only $50 and I'm sure some kids will want to throw around some cash for a couple 5x5's... I love having projects! They make me feel so purposeful!!!

Oh yeah and my trip to Montreal was incredible.. everything I needed. It was great to bring Jay, who has never really traveled like that before. I would write about everything that ensued.. another time, perhaps.

Oh my poor computer! Its fan is going crazy after a few minutes. Perhaps I should take it back to the apple store? The last time I did, because the poor thing was slowing down like crazy... was hilarious to say the least. Allow me to describe my laptop for those of you who don't know. I have one of those white macbooks, and it's now a bit of a grey color. There was some paint on it at the time. And pen ink. There's a large blemish on the bottom left screen from some water damage. The inside of the computer looks like hell from a separate water incident (which I fixed by simply replacing the keyboard!). There are about six screws missing from the side of the computer.. and the ones that do have screws aren't necessarily the ones that were originally supposed to be there (this is also from the Great Keyboard Replacement of 2008). The screen has fingerprints. There are chunks of plastic missing from it, especially the bottom edge of the keyboard where my arms rub against it whilst typing.. so some of the chunks are taped back on--others are superglued. The power button had been sunken into the keyboard, whereas normally it's flush. It's also crooked, spun around to about a 45 degree angle somehow. The poor Apple technician looked at my machine, probably about to burst into tears at this sacrilege.

"Hey," I said cheerfully. "My computer isn't working, and I have no idea why!" He glared at me. Long story short, he fixed the computer, replaced the hard drive (for FREE, thank you thank you).. when he gave it back he glared at me again and said: "next time.. don't glue your computer together. It makes things really difficult."

Want to watch one of the coolest things I've ever seen? It's a really incredibly done stop motion film/mural art video... these guys dedicated a good chunk of their time and brilliant energy to this. It loops twice so it's not quite as long as you think it is.

http://vimeo.com/6555161

breathe deep sleep well

drive home.

I've been having some incredibly vivid dreams. In one I was in Croatia again-- but I was very frustrated the whole time with the travelers I was with. In another my sister got tattoos all up her arms.. from her knuckles to her shoulders. I had a dream that my hair would change colors every time I blinked. A friend and I were talking about dreams today and he mentioned how dreams are always so much better than reality, but I don't think I agree. I never really feel in control in dreams-- things are usually swirling around me, the choices I make are constrained, or they're very instinctual. I am often put in the observer position. Reality is the opposite. I am in control. I'm not sure what I'm really driving at here.. I also often wake up with a sense of panic after dreams. I don't know why. Sometimes I don't even remember the dream I just jolt awake and shoot up, out of breath, but not sure why. I wonder what I'm so scared of.

I drove home today and the sun was setting just perfectly. And I saw a cloud of birds. There was grey everywhere and the trees were all dead and everything was miserable but there were a few moments of perfection. I saw some good friends I hadn't seen in awhile, I had a great dinner with my roommates, I had nice radio show ... forget dreams. I like my life.

snow.

(the river behind the View, in College Park)


Snow is beautiful. Or so I've been told.

I have strange longings, these days-- maybe because of being trapped indoors for so long. To drink espresso on cobblestone streets, cold seawater, hot sand, to hang a painting on a wall, to wear something floaty, to drink wine outside at night, to go to Spain and fall in love.

photography from europe

the world is just awesome

hostels

hallway+ cat

I got the internship!! fuck yeah

I started volunteering at the HI (Hostel International) in DC; yesterday was my first day. I never realized how much I miss hostels until yesterday. I love the imperfections of hostels, evidence of groups of strangers living together. The kitchen was a hunk of junk, lots of suspicious cooking utensils and stains, industrial sized appliances and supplies of spices. I worked with three other new volunteers, all of whom were just like me--they missed being a traveler and being around travelers. People that understand me and people that I can understand. It was refreshing to feel normal-- to talk about my travels without seeing people's interest float away or feeling like an asshole. I miss traveler's stories. And god, do I miss travelers! There is something different about this community of people-- they're such kind explorers. I believe it's because they've experienced so many different kinds of cultures, because their minds are so open, and because they are urban survivalists. We love hot showers and full stomachs more than anything, and we appreciate them more than anyone else. Everyone is far away with home, and last night there were about thirty of us at one long makeshift table, eating cheap pasta and it was like a family. We introduced ourselves to each other; there were so many Aussies but a decent amount of Koreans, a Brit, a couple Americans, an Italian, a German and a Kiwi.

I volunteer for that experience and because I know how it feels to be on the road. It is draining and it can be tough and sometimes the only thing you want is people to feed you and to smile at you. That's basically what I do. I make food and hope it turns out good and then I hand it out and say "Hey there, welcome to the states! Tell me some stories." And travelers love telling stories, especially over free food. I miss hearing accents, and I miss that cultural exchange. I learned last night that Aussies refer to slices of pizza as "bits" as in.. "there's a couple bits of pizza here, want a bit?" How fantastic is that???